He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
