So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
