Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
did i walk over a car last night?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
