actually, I'm a sock model
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
