were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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