I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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