My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
