well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
