This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Nicole vs. Life
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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