I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he shaved USA in his pubs
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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