yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
