I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
