I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
