I wish I only lived at night.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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