My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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