You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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