You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
