I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
