You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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