Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
