Already got asked if we're dating
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
