I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
