What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
