I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
