You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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