remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The ass gains better be worth it
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