I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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