McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I have feelings that need drinking.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
