I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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