since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
