sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
