I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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