Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
