My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I think I am morally bankrupt
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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