I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
