is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
