Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
