you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
