so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Randomize
