would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
