I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
