I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
