Too much gin, very little bucket
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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