I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
