At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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