I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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