I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
