just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
They have beer where we have blood.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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