I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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