Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you didnt know i had herpes?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
